What was I thinking?

I went back to school.

It was great. It was hard. I loved it.

Someday, I’m going to appreciate that it wasn’t super easy. I’d just about given up on ever finishing my computer science degree. The thought would occur to me to try again every fall. Every fall, I would remember the many times I tried before and agonize for all the things I let stand in my way. Working full-time, raising children, limited resources, an un-supportive first spouse, I’m too old to learn, all came together and at some point I just gave up and said “I shall try again later”. The years came and went and so many doubts plagued me. Why should I bother? What will I use it for? It’s not going to make a difference in my career. The mommy tax was too high, I’m too old, I’m too out of shape, and so on. Still, my unfinished degree haunted me. Year after year, the thought would not go away that I regretted not finishing. I knew I could get around almost anything, but the idea that old dogs don’t learn new tricks seemed to be the thing that stopped me in my tracks.

Then, I ran across an article saying that it wasn’t true. There wasn’t any hard evidence that older people couldn’t learn new things.

I now had a supportive spouse, I now had resources, my children were grown, and with reading that article my last mental obstacle vanished. I enrolled in college with my two youngest children and we all went together.  They had been going for a little while already and my oldest has graduated.

I loved it. I got good grades. I may have cried a little. Okay, I cried a lot. But it was good, too.

Here, I am. I made it two semesters and I was going to take a trigonometry class during the summer but that didn’t work out.  I took a math leap class instead that takes what you know and pushes you a little farther. I don’t need/want to retake trig and calculus, I simply want to refresh my knowledge so that I don’t freak out again during my physics class.

Summer is over and I go back on Monday and I didn’t get anything done, crafting wise, that I wanted to get done.  I didn’t finish any socks, I didn’t sew pajama pants, I finish my shawl for fall.

So, of course, I started a sweater and bought more sewing fabric.

I may need help.